


Warehouse Wonders

by bastard_birb



Category: Marvel, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types, X-Men - All Media Types
Genre: Clint and Coffee, Fluff and Humor, M/M, Mystery boxes of Doom, Nothing but shenanigans, Self-Indulgent
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-16
Updated: 2019-11-16
Packaged: 2021-01-31 18:34:42
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,682
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21450817
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bastard_birb/pseuds/bastard_birb
Summary: Remy is recovering a bit at Fence's warehouse and almost ends up on a few government watch lists. Clint gets coffee. Lucky is there briefly because why not.All grammar/spelling mistakes are mine because I can't remember to have someone edit my things.
Relationships: Clint Barton/Remy LeBeau, Remy LeBeau & Fence
Kudos: 9





	Warehouse Wonders

It wasn’t the first time that Remy ended up crashing in Fence’s warehouse, and it definitely was far from the last. Though this time something was… off. When Remy woke up, bandaged and still a bit drowsy, he noticed he was staring up at darkness. The area around him was soft, but confined. It took him longer than he’d care to admit to realize where Fence had stuck him.

“Goddamnit Fence, if you don’t get me outta dis casket I’m gonna blow your warehouse sky high!”

From just outside the casket Remy could hear some deep, loud laughter. Okay, fuck Fence and everything he stands for.

“Aw, come on Remy. You have to admit it’s a little funny,” said the older man through his laughing fit.

“It ain’t funny now!” he screeched. “What de hell did ya put on top a me?! Why won’t dis open?”

Fence’s laughter got closer. Remy heard some things clatter and shift outside of the casket before it opened up. He blinked as the lights of the warehouse assaulted him and he came face to face with Fence’s shit eating grin. At seeing Remy’s glare Fence just ruffled the cajun’s hair. “Don’t pout, kid. You were only there for ten minutes. Not like I locked you in for an entire night.”

Remy grumbled as Fence helped him out. “Still… Ain’t funny ta wake up in a casket.”

“Please,” Fence scoffed, “I know for a fact you’ve woken up in worse places.”

“Why de hell you got this t’ing in de first place?” he asked after Fence helped him out.

Fence paused and glanced from the casket to Remy. “I know a guy who needed to get rid of it. I took it off his hands. Might’ve been useful.”

Leave it to Fence to justify holding onto some junk some random person gave to him. “So explain ta me why I was nappin’ in a casket? Still ain’t seein’ the logic behind dat one.”

“I needed you out of the way while I was clearing out a bit of trash. Plus, I thought it was funny.”

Remy held a hand to his chest dramatically and let out an exaggerated gasp. “You’re actually gettin’ rid a some a dis shit? You sure your circuits ain’t fried? Mebbe you got a few wires loose, Robo-Cop.”

Fence swatted at him with a hand. “Fuck you, you know my tech is state of the art. Some of the money from helping your old man helps keep me running perfectly,” he stated proudly. “Though to be honest with you, this place is getting kinda crowded.”

“Kinda? Fence, dis place’s been crowded for as long as I’ve known you.”

“Hey, it only got crowded after you showed up and started hiding your shit here.”

“You know why I ain’t able ta put it anywhere else!”

Fence snickered. “Yeah, cause you’re whipped and bird boy told you no. I swear, you and your dad are the same in that way. That aunt of yours is something else.”

Remy pouted and kicked at a trash bag near his foot. “I ain’t whipped...”

“Sure, kid. Whatever you say.” Fence tossed an earpiece to Remy. “But since you’re here for a few hours while I make sure you don’t die from your latest crime, you might as well get moving around here and help me sort through this hot mess.”

Remy let out a small groan. “I still don’t see why you can’t jus’ drop dis an’ let me go home.”

“Cause Barton will bitch at me for letting you run around with all those bruises and stitches. Not like he’d believe me if I said you went out against my advice to steal more shit. Your pet hawk is convinced the sun shines out of your ass.”

Remy gave Fence a look before putting the earpiece in. “Ya couldn’t have put dat a bit mo’ eloquently?”

“I like to be blunt with you. Leaves little room for bullshit and pretty words. Now move your ass and get to work, freeloader.”

Remy gave a mock salute. “Whatever ya say, Terminator.” Remy wandered over to the other side of the warehouse, staring at the high shelves of stolen junk and regular junk. God, it would take ages to clean all of this. He briefly wondered if he could get Clint to sneak him out of here before Fence noticed.

“Hey, Rem,” came Fence’s voice from the earpiece. “If you see a few metal boxes that say ‘Do Not Open, Ever’ in all caps can you set them aside and bring them over here? I lost track of some and need to keep them… somewhere else.”

Remy stopped in his tracks and made a face. “Fence…,” he said carefully.

“Yep?”

“How many a those boxes you got in here?”

“Last I checked… ten. Probably.”

“How many did ya lose?”

There was a brief pause. “Seven of them. I’ve got the other three with me.”

Remy couldn’t help his curiosity and asked, “What’s in de boxes, Fence?”

  
Now there was a much longer pause. None of this was putting Remy at ease. “... Let’s just say that the less questions you ask about those boxes, the happier your life will be. And you won’t be put on any government watch lists.”

“_L’enfer_… Jus’ tell me dat I ain’t gonna die handlin’ any a dis garbage.” The last thing he needed was something to blow up in his face or kill him. This honestly had to be the most dangerous cleaning endeavor he’d faced since he was a kid and helped Mattie organize her voodoo supplies.

“If it was anyone else, I wouldn’t be able to say that with a clear conscience. But with the way you handle most things… I’d say… you’ve got at least a 73% chance of not dying or hurting yourself.”

“If I die I’m kickin’ yo’ ass.”

Fence laughed. “Get in line, kid. Just don’t let anything stab you or break and you’ll be fine.”

Remy rolled his eyes and grabbed a large empty cart that he pulled to the nearest shelf. He moved the nearby rolling ladder closer and began at the highest shelves.

For the most part a lot of what Remy found was dusty trinkets and a bit of outdated technology that would be best thrown out or torn apart and repurposed. To his surprise, he also came across a leather satchel and began putting a few things he wanted to keep inside of it. After going through four aisles, and finding six of seven mystery boxes, Remy managed to gather a decent collection of presents. He’d grabbed a Tiffany black pearl necklace for Jubilee, an old dagger with a blue sapphire in the hilt for Logan, what he suspected was a real human skull for Mattie (seriously, first the casket and now this?), two large bags of genuine Colombian coffee for Clint, and a (possibly) pure gold medallion for his dad. Nothing else seemed to catch Remy’s eye as fitting for a gift, but a few things piqued his curiosity.

Namely, the final elusive mystery box hidden on a high shelf under a small tarp.

The most concerning thing about this particular box was that it was growling and trembling every few moments. None of the other boxes had done anything out of the ordinary so far, so Remy assumed that this one had to be special. Or deadly. Maybe especially deadly, considering all of the boxes had a very obvious warning not to open them.

Could it really be so bad to open just one? So far nothing in Fence’s warehouse had killed him yet, and Remy had known the man for way too long now to believe that he’d intentionally put Remy in danger.

Just one little peek. Fence would never even know.

Remy brought the box down so he could set it on a step of the ladder and open it. Best to not handle something like this while on the ladder itself. He fiddled with the combination lock for a few moments, the box growling a bit louder with each new combination he tried.

“What the fuck did I tell you about those boxes?!”

Remy jumped and let out an undignified yelp, dropping the box at the same time. Fence stood behind Remy, arms crossed and glaring. “Didn’t I say not to open these things?”

Remy returned the glare. “Ya shouldn’t have made it sound so damn interestin’ ta look at!”

Fence picked up the box and shook it roughly. The growling from inside rose to a shrill squeak then abruptly stopped. “What the hell sounds interesting about a goddamn government watch list?!” He murmured something quietly to the box that sounded suspiciously like a reprimand before carrying it under his arm. “I swear, sometimes you’re about as stupid as you are pretty.”

Remy raised an eyebrow at the older man. “So you think I’m pretty?”

Fence smacked Remy upside the head. “Don’t be such a smartass.” His eyes finally glanced down at the satchel Remy was carrying. “The hell you filling that up for? You were supposed to be sorting through this dump, not keeping the trash.”

“I found some stuff dat my family might like.”

“You… You’re giving this shit as presents...”

Remy nodded. “Found some decent t’ings in dis garbage pit. Speakin’ of, one of de things I found was a human skull. Wanna explain dat one away?”

Fence and Remy locked eyes silently for a few moments. Fence quickly debated internally with himself on whether or not to tell Remy the truth about the skull. “Would you believe me if I told you that I found it in an Alaskan cave?”

“Is dat de truth?”

“Rem, you wanna hear the truth or do you wanna believe I found it in a cave?”

Another beat of silence. “I’m gonna believe ya found it in a cave.”

“Smart kid,” Fence said with a nod. He looked around at the trash Remy had gathered in the cart and at the shelves he’d cleaned up. “I think I’ll cut you loose for today. You did good work and you didn’t die, so bird boy won’t come after me later.” He ruffled Remy’s hair as he walked away with the growling box and cart of junk in tow. “Head home and tell Clint I said to keep you outta trouble!” he called back as he walked away.

Remy gave a pout but resisted the urge to say something bitchy. “Yeah, yeah. See ya later, Fence!”

With that farewell Remy quickly made his way out of the warehouse and over to Clint’s apartment. Did he snag a longboard he found near the exit of the warehouse to get there faster? Maybe. Fence wouldn’t miss it. Though God help him if Jubilee saw him on this thing. She’d be teasing him endlessly about being a hipster.

Upon arrival to the building Remy set the longboard propped up outside of Simone’s apartment. The kids might like it, depending on if their mother actually let them keep it. He strode into the apartment he shared with Clint to find the archer sprawled out on the couch and Lucky happily napping in the sun with the trio of cats. None of them so much as twitched at the sound of Remy coming home. Remy set his things aside and kicked off his shoes after locking the door. He smiled as he crawled to lie on top of Clint, giving him a small kiss on the cheek. “You still alive, cher?”

Clint’s reply was muffled due to him being stuffed face down into the couch cushions. Remy laughed and reached up to tug at the archer’s hair a bit. “Wanna try dat again? Y’know I don’t speak mumble.”

Clint, with Remy’s help, managed to turn onto his back and let Remy settle on top of him again. “I said, ‘I’ll get back to you on that’,” he said with a yawn.

Remy leaned up further to kiss Clint’s jaw. “Oh, _mon petit oiseau_, dey wear you out savin’ de world today?” Clint barely opened his eyes as he nodded. “If you’re up fo’ a present I got ya somethin’ from Fence’s place.”

Clint groaned. “Please tell me you didn’t bring something dangerous into the house.”

“Nah. Not dis time, anyway. Left de growling mystery boxes a doom back wit’ him.”

Okay, now Clint was wide awake. “I’m sorry, mystery boxes of WHAT?”

Remy waved off his concern as he got up to rifle through the bag of gifts. “Don’t worry, I ain’t hurt an’ he didn’t let me open one. T’ink it’s better dat I didn’t see what was inside.”  
“Babe, please tell me Fence doesn’t have some kind of doomsday weapon with him. I think I’d have to call SHIELD if he did.”

Remy was quiet for a moment before turning to Clint with a devious smile. “Probably better if we don’t t’ink about dat. Mebbe Fence keeps those boxes fo’ a reason b’sides chaos an’ doom?”

Clint scrubbed a hand over his face. “Okay… I guess it’s fine if he’s responsible about it. It’s probably better that I don’t know too much about that either.”

“See? Problem solved! Now dis might make ya feel better.” Remy moved closer to the couch and held out the coffee bags to his boyfriend. Clint looked from the coffee up to Remy.

“Have I ever told you how much I love you?”

“Plenty a times. But I ain’t ever tired a hearin’ it,” he said with a smile. “C’mon, let’s try some.” Clint got up and followed close behind Remy to the coffee pot. Soon the apartment was filled with the, admittedly, amazing smell of coffee. After Clint was given the first cup he nearly burned himself with excitement as he carefully drank it.

“Okay, if Fence keeps giving me coffee I might forgive him for all of his bullshit.” Remy snorted with laughter, but had to agree there.

“I’ll pass along de message. He says hi, by de way.”

“I’m sure he did. Probably just to make sure I don’t nag him for keeping you to do his bidding,” he joked.

“Now you makin’ him sound like some sorta evil mastermind.”

Clint only shrugged and tried to hide a laugh behind his mug.”I mean, you told me he’s a cyborg. All that’s left is for Skynet to hack into his brain and we’re all doomed,” he managed to say with a straight face. He broke out in a smile while Remy tried not to hurt himself laughing.

“I love dat you’re jus’ as dorky an’ ridiculous as I am. Makes us a perfect match, no?” Remy leaned into Clint’s space and placed a quick kiss to his lips.

Clint snaked his arm around Remy’s waist to keep the cajun close to him. “We’re two halves of a whole nerd, babe. I couldn’t be happier with that.” He buried his face in Remy’s neck. “Even if sometimes your friends have dangerous mystery boxes lying around.”

“Be nice, Clint,” he warned gently, though Remy’s tone suggested he might get back to laughing any minute now.

“I’m always nice,” he countered, leaning back a bit to drink some more coffee. “Just ask Lucky.” At the sound of his name Lucky looked up at the pair, made a soft noise, then laid back down carefully so as not to disturb the cats napping around him.

“Guess de pup would know better than anyone,” Remy chuckled. “Now, what d’ya say we get comfy on de couch an’ catch up on Dog Cops? I t’ink we both earned a bit a relaxation, oui?”

Clint’s eyes lit up. “That’s one of the best things you’ve ever said to me.” He picked up Remy with one arm, careful of both of their coffee mugs so as not to spill anything, and made his way over to the couch with a laughing cajun in tow. Minutes later the sound of Dog Cops and hushed laughter were the only noises heard throughout the apartment. Life was good.

**Author's Note:**

> For those not familiar, Fence is someone who Remy works with from time to time. I was introduced to him in some of Gambit's self titled solo run comics. I honestly forget who the author was of those... Anyway, I'm just making Fence a part of Remy's life and a friend of his family for my own purposes because fanfiction.


End file.
